Kreng jai

It used to be that I shared both highlights and lowlights of my day with Jip. I knew that when I came home in a low mood, Jip would usually be a great listener and would help to change my outlook with an empathetic reply.

She was also a natural at a type of consideration that the Thai call kreng jai. If you kreng jai someone, you consider their feelings first, before thinking of your own feelings. It means being worried that your actions might inconvenience someone, and thus acting extra selfless.

The Thai word implies more than its closest English equivalent, because kreng jai is also connected to social rules and order, family and group harmony, and the cultural importance of avoiding conflict and maintaining hierarchies.

These days the kreng jai lobe of Jip's brain doesn't work quite the same way that it did, and so I normally keep my bad moods to myself. Yet this past week I came home from a frustrating outing, and for some reason I shared with Jip why my evening hadn't gone so well.

Instead of changing the subject to tooth brushing or some more immediate concern, she paused and said, "John, that sounds like small stuff. I think you can let it go." I was so shocked to hear her thinking of my feelings that it was easy to do exactly what she suggested.

The next morning she even asked me whether or not I was over my annoyance. I'll be living off that highlight for weeks.