As the only child of Maha Budh and my grandmother, she is considered lucky on one hand. She will be the only heir. My mother sees it as a privilege as well as a challenge. This is how she tells her story:
"I was born to a father who was literate. He could heal the sick and comfort the worried. I learned the alphabet and numbers well in advance of when I started school. There was no surprise that I was the best student in my class.
"There was a high expectation and standard placed upon me. To raise me, my father used the monastic discipline he was accustomed to. Every night homework had to be completed, lessons reviewed, prayers recited. The three of us would sit in front of the family altar and recite 30 minutes of prayer before bed. I was not allowed to go anywhere without my mother.
"I began my hard working life as soon as I reached school age. My mother and I got up at four to cook desserts so I could bring them to sell at school and make extra money. Even though I earned money, my father would not allow me to spend any. It was very hard to buy new clothes, which I dearly loved. I secretly did it anyway from money I put away. On the new year I wore my new clothes. Father didn't protest. He was very strict but also kind.
"I wish I could have had more than four years of schooling. If you wanted more school, you had to go to a bigger town, Petchaburi. My teachers thought that I should become a teacher. There was a shortage of teachers, so students who did well and could afford more education were encouraged. The teachers came to talk to my parents to encourage them to send me for more schooling. They left disappointed. My parents insisted that, since they only had one child, it was important to have me at home to take care of the household chores. Also my father did not want me to be out of his sight for fear of danger. That was the end of my education.
"I used to dream of being a teacher. Wouldn't it be nice to wear a nice uniform, a little red lipstick, and to go to school everyday? I saw two of my neighbors who were chosen to be teachers. They were my elders. They weren't even required to go to more school. They didn't last very long as teachers because they were tempted by handsome young men and ran away with them. If I got such a chance, I would not let it pass before my eyes.
"My hair style had to be approved by my father. He disapproved of perms, which caused me heartbreak. I was the only one graduating from school without a perm. My hair was still straight. I looked childish and felt embarrassed and outcast. My girlfriends had all grown up to become young women with perms. I felt left out.
"How I got a perm was a historic moment in my life. One day my father’s monk friend came from Petchaburi to visit us. I called him 'venerable father.' I still remember the day very well. As we were visiting, the subject of my hair came up. His monk friend said to my father, 'Let her have her hair done so she can be part of her group.' I’ll never forget how thankful I was to the venerable father. He had definitely changed my life.
"My own life after school was up to my father's mercy. I got the hair thing done but there was still lipstick, clothes, and going out to the shadow puppet show at night. There was not any movie theatre then, but occasionally the shadow puppets would perform at someone's house on the occasion of a wedding or ordination. I was dying to go, but I was not allowed. My father said he could easily play the shadow puppets for me, and he did. He used his hands and sang, and I watched from the other side of the mosquito net.
"My father's discipline originated in his Buddhist monk training. He thought anything superficial like perms, lipstick, clothes, or entertainment only wasted your mind. To be out at night was not safe. Snakes were out then, and he had treated people with poisonous snake bites.
"I always belonged to the clean plate club because of my father. He would not let me drop or leave a single grain of rice on my plate. He said that the farmer had worked hard and we should not waste his labor. He told me the way they taught this lesson to temple boys was to have them pick up the spilled rice grains and carry them with rocks to dump in the river. He said this like it was a joke, but he was serious. I did not challenge him.
"After I finished school, my responsibilities in the house increased. I was a full-time cook, and Mother was there to coach me. We continued as dessert entrepreneurs. We started the day by making batter. We ground grain into flour and mixed it by hand. There was no machine. All the tools we used were made by my father. Our dessert business was very popular. Everybody loved to buy the mouse-dropping dessert. We made that on Mondays."We also dried and chopped and prepared various kinds of herbal remedies. Father always had green powder and black tablets for sore throats for sale. I helped in all the preparation. I was not interested in this knowledge. I did not think it was a woman's job.
"We worked hard as a family. We were quite well off compared to our neighbors. My parents were not the spending type, and so neither was I. Little by little what we earned mostly became savings. We were never wealthy because my father always said that being a monk for twenty years had taught him not to be greedy. People borrowed our money and could not always return it according to the agreement. They offered to give their land instead, but my father would not take it. He said we were not in a hurry and would not want to make trouble for anyone. He was a very honest man, and the villagers knew that.
"I grew up with moderation. If we did not have enough money to buy fish or fruits at the morning market, we would not take the food. We never owed anyone."
[Jip's mom is going strong, carrying on the important roles that her family has always played in the village. She was 63 when Jip interviewed her and wrote this piece.]
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